Giving and receiving feedback effectively is one of the most important skills for leaders to develop. It is also one of the most challenging. When you first start giving feedback, you are generally not very effective at it and as a result, it can be awkward and uncomfortable. In many cases, you face resistance from staff who are not used to receiving feedback and/or those who are responding to your poor delivery of it. Instead of embracing this as a natural and necessary part of the process of learning the skill, too many throw up their hands, deciding it’s simply not worth the headache and stop giving feedback altogether.
When it comes to receiving feedback, we are not much better. As a new and emerging leader, you may not feel as confident and secure as you would like. This is a normal part of the process. The only way to grow and improve is to invest the necessary time and energy into growing and improving, and this requires seeking and accepting feedback from those around us. Unfortunately, most of us don’t do this. Due to the lack of confidence and security we often feel starting out, we try to overcompensate by pretending we know it all and don’t need the help. Feedback hits a little too close to home and we become defensive when we hear it. We don’t want to hear it. We reject it. In doing so, we miss out on valuable feedback that will help us grow into the leaders we strive to be. We throwaway the gift because we are afraid to admit we need it.
In my work with new and emerging leaders, the topic of feedback comes up perhaps more than any other due to its importance and the struggles so commonly associated with it. Often, my clients want to focus on the steps involved in giving effective feedback, particularly when it is critical feedback. Undoubtedly, these steps are an important component of giving effective feedback and we afford them the attention they deserve. But the real work, I tell my clients and I share with you, is not in the steps and the logistics. These matter, of course, but they matter only in the greater context of the feedback culture you have created as your team’s leader. Feedback is only as effective as the level of trust that encompasses it. In order to receive your feedback, your team needs to believe that you are knowledgeable enough to provide something useful and they must believe you are doing so in their best interest. This requires a lot more than following a list of how-tos.
But giving feedback is only one part of the equation. In order to establish and maintain a feedback culture on your team, you must also be effective at soliciting and receiving feedback. You must be as open to hearing it as you are asking your staff to be. And in many cases, this is the part that young leaders really struggle with. Deep down, they may not be ready or willing to hear someone tell them what, in many cases, they already know and are feeling insecure about. At the same time, there is a sense that asking for feedback is a necessary element of leadership, so to satisfy this, they know enough to ask their team members if they have any feedback for them, but they also know enough to do it in a way that practically guarantees they won’t receive it. Generally at the end of a one-on-one as they are packing up their things and looking at the time. In this environment, the staff almost always says no, and everyone goes about their day. These leaders believe they have done their part by asking and all seems to be well since their staff never has any feedback for them.
This dynamic appears to work for both our staffs and for ourselves. As leaders, we feel absolved by checking off the box of having asked our staff if they have any feedback for us. By asking in such a way that signifies we don’t really want an answer, we don’t receive one. As staff, by never sharing our honest feedback, we do not ruffle any proverbial feathers, ensuring that we stay in our boss’ good graces by never telling them anything they don’t want to hear. We dance the dance and we all feel good about it. At least on the surface. Step, one, two, three. Step, one, two, three.
THE TRUTH
But here’s the truth.
If your staff never has any feedback for you, it is not because they don’t have any feedback for you. It is because they don’t trust you enough to share the feedback they do have. You have not created a safe enough space and culture where feedback is expected, welcomed and received well. Your staff does not believe they will be safe when sharing their feedback with you, so they learn to bite their tongues and keep you happy. And it works. If, on the other hand, you create an environment where feedback is expected, respected and safe, you will begin to get honest, thoughtful answers, and you will become a better leader for it.
THE QUESTION
So if you want to know if your staff trusts you, ask them what feedback they have for you. If they say they don’t have any every time you ask, this tells you that the trust is not there. If, on the other hand, they share openly both their praise and suggestions for you, this is a powerful sign that you have created a safe and accepting feedback culture on your team.
CREATING A FEEDBACK CULTURE
Understand that creating a strong and safe feedback culture on your team requires great time and investment. A lot of it. You will need to go through this process again and again as each new staff comes and goes and team dynamics shift. Each member of your team will have their own timelines when it comes to feeling comfortable enough to partake in this culture. Be prepared for this and respect it. Like personal relationships, you should not expect complete and immediate trust among your team members simply because you ask for it. Instead, you must use your relationship-building skills to connect with your team and you must show them consistently, without fail, that feedback is a safe and important part of your culture. You do this verbally and more importantly, you do this through your actions. You need to reassure them and demonstrate that the feedback they give you will be welcomed and not held against them.
GRATITUDE
When your staff gives you feedback, thank them for it, every single time, whether you agree with it or not. It is essential that you understand and recognize that feedback is hard for most people and it is never harder than giving it to someone who supervises you, someone who is responsible for your evaluations, promotions, raises and your very employment. You have to appreciate the deep level of trust this requires and the time it will take to get there. You have to have patience and put in the time and effort to help build that trust over time and across experiences.
TIPS FOR STARTING OUT
* Talk openly with your team about feedback and why it is important. Revisit this conversation again and again to emphasize that feedback is an essential component of your team’s functioning and culture.
* Give your team effective and consistent feedback so they can begin to understand its value and experience how it is done well.
* When you begin to solicit your team’s feedback, start out small to build trust. Ask for input on smaller items and build up to larger ones.
* Ask your staff pointed questions. It is too easy to ask the yes/no question of, Do you have feedback for me? and it is too easy to answer no. Instead, ask your staff about something specific that they can pay attention to and provide thoughtful feedback on. Something small and not intimidating. Guide them and coach them through the process until they are comfortable.
* Don’t put them on the spot. Often, staff say they don’t have any feedback because they are asked on the spot and don’t have any time to think and respond effectively. Instead, let them know ahead of time that you will be seeking their feedback on a particular item. That way, they can dedicate the necessary time and thought to responding to your request effectively.
* Follow through. Too many times, leaders roll out initiatives only to roll them back a month later. Staff understand this and simply wait it out until the next initiative comes around. Break the cycle. Demonstrate that your feedback culture isn’t going anywhere and that you are faithfully committed to its success.
* Be grateful. Every time. All it takes is one bad reaction on your part for your entire feedback culture to self-destruct. As soon as staff feel that you are reacting negatively or that their job satisfaction is being impacted negatively by giving you feedback, they will stop. It is unlikely they will ever bother to start again. Thank them for the gift. Every time they offer. Whether or not you agree with it. Show them you understand and appreciate how hard this is. Help them make it easier.
In order to receive the feedback that will make you a stronger leader, you must take it upon yourself as a leader to create a culture that allows this to happen. An essential part of this process is giving it the necessary time and attention it demands. It is, without a doubt, time-consuming and will require a dedicated effort on your end that I’m sure you don’t think you have. Do it anyway. It will benefit you as well as your team in helping you become your best professional selves. It all starts with trust. Are you ready?
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