I used to refer to her as my arch-nemesis. The Joker to my Batman. The Voldemort to my Harry Potter. The pineapple to my pizza. Every meeting we were in together, I would internally roll my eyes when she spoke as I stubbornly- though legitimately- disagreed with nearly everything she said, thought and did. She was my least favorite person I ever worked with. And it did not make one bit of difference.
Though we were on the same team, our work was largely separate. Despite my feelings toward her, I could do my work effectively and she could do hers had she chosen to. Our mutual distaste did not spill onto the rest of the team, and it did not impact what we were doing. I never confronted her or brought it up to my supervisor because I never saw a need to try and remedy it. It was a minor inconvenience, a mosquito bite in the middle of my otherwise sunny day.
Work relationships can be like that. Sometimes people just do not like each other, and in many cases that is perfectly fine. Other times, it is not. Like everything else in the world, it depends.
When you supervise a team, it is important that you have your proverbial pulse on what is going on, accepting that it is unnecessary and impossible to be privy to all of it. In many cases, it would not be helpful if you were. It is but one of the many situations you will need to balance as a leader- being present and aware but not intrusive or meddling.
In many cases you will be able to recognize which staff are close and which ones are not. Sometimes, you will hear about it third hand and often directly from those involved. However you become aware, how you should respond depends on the circumstances.
As you consider your response, ask yourself:
IS IT HEALTHY DISAGREEMENT?
As nice as it may sound, you do not want a team that never disagrees. Disagreement and conflict are natural, healthy, productive components of any relationship, and when it comes to the workplace, you want your staff to feel comfortable disagreeing with each other. When your staff are comfortable doing this, the result will be stronger, having the benefit of multiple perspectives and collective brain power.
Some people get upset when others disagree with them for any reason at all and this may result in complaints and venting sessions, decreased performance and even quitting. Work with your staff on this as you create a team culture where disagreement is encouraged, including disagreement with you. Establish this early and often, starting with your hiring process. As much as you are able, let potential staff know how much you value open, honest discussion and gauge if that is good fit for them. You want people on your team who welcome disagreement and feedback that will help them learn and grow, even if this causes occasional discomfort or in moments when it may go too far.
WHAT IS THE IMPACT?
Is this negatively affecting your staff’s performance or wellbeing or is it admittedly unpleasant but ultimately an insignificant factor in someone’s decision to stay or leave? Is it adversely impacting the rest of your team? If, after doing the necessary recon, you discover that it is something everyone can pretty much live with then there is not much that needs to be done. Not everyone in life will get along and that is perfectly fine. If everyone is able to continue doing their work in a way that is both effective and fulfilling, then resist the urge to fix something whose brokenness goes largely unnoticed. If, on the other hand, it is impacting performance and/or job satisfaction you need to address it.
WHAT IS THE FREQUENCY?
Is this something out of character that happened between two people who otherwise get along? Is it something that likely is not going to happen again? If so, it may or may not make sense to address it. Again, depending on the details, you may add it to a pre-existing agenda to check in on your staff and what, if anything, they would like to do about it. You may consider a separate meeting to focus exclusively on the situation. If you are not sure which way to go, err on the side of reaching out to let your staff know you are available to support the situation should that be helpful. This, of course, is a very different situation than something that is happening over and over again. In most cases, there is not a choice to address this, unless it passes the low to no impact test (see above).
HOW CAN YOU ENCOURAGE ACCOUNTABILITY?
Sometimes people just need to vent, and you may be a natural choice to vent to. There are moments when this is okay. But if you begin to see patterns where people are constantly venting about the same situations and the same people, it is important that you put a stop to it, or at the very least, put long healthy pauses in between. When you start noticing a pattern, bring it to the person’s attention. Use your best coaching skills to find out why they keep bringing it up and what they want to be done about it. Help them understand their role in the situation and simultaneously challenge and support them to create a plan for how to address it. In many cases they will not want to address the situation, in which case, you can explore with them the value in continuing to discuss it. If they are sincere about wanting something to change, work with them on articulating what that would look like and how they can help to make it happen. Discuss options both on the proactive and the reactive ends.
Depending on the details, it may be counterproductive for you to act as an intermediary. In other cases, it would be counterproductive for you not to. Generally, if it is not something egregious (subjective, I know) or something that has already been addressed between the two of them, the first step in most cases is to help coach the staff on how to address the situation between themselves.
HOW CAN YOU BE PROACTIVE?
Conflict will happen regardless of how much you try to prevent it, but again, you should not try to prevent all of it. Healthy conflict helps your team, and confrontation is beneficial in countless situations. The conflict you want to avoid is conflict that is harmful and not helpful. Petty arguments and disagreements that negatively impact the work and the professionals doing it.
Although you cannot always prevent unwanted conflict, there are some things you can do to be proactive and lessen the chances of it happening. Research finds that people who have the opportunity to work together and learn about each other as people, not just employees, work better together. Be intentional and unrelenting about creating a team culture and environment that is positive and effective. Invest in becoming the strongest team leader you can be. Hire the best people you can and put them in the best positions to succeed. Invest in consistent, meaningful professional growth. Get to know your team as people and understand their strengths and their goals. Give them every opportunity to use their strengths and reach their goals. Show your staff appreciation and value on a consistent and meaningful basis. Create competitive compensation packages that your staff want and create manageable workloads. These will make your staff happier and less likely to get caught up in petty office squabbles.
WHEN SHOULD YOU INTERVENE?
As a team leader, you have no choice but to intervene when a staff member is being bullied, harassed, or discriminated against. Be quick to act in these cases. Even though most conflicts result from both parties contributing, there will be cases when one staff is solely responsible for what is happening.
If you have staff who are not doing anything technically illegal but they still manage to be toxic, do not invest energy in trying to make them decent, respectful human beings. Get ride of them as fast as you possibly can.
You should also intervene in situations that staff cannot seem to work through on their own and need your help in order to do so.
WHEN SHOULD YOU SEEK SUPPORT?
In cases that involve legal issues, you want to make sure all the necessary people are involved. This will include some combination of HR, your own supervisor, and legal counsel.
In other cases that do not represent a legal breach, you still want to seek support when navigating a situation that is particularly challenging for you. Talk with your supervisor, coach, mentor, or trusted colleague to help provide the insight you may be lacking.
You may also benefit from trainings and professional growth on this topic. We are happy to discuss how we can help.
